


To Have a Home

by little_werewolf



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-11
Updated: 2016-11-11
Packaged: 2018-08-30 09:27:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8527810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/little_werewolf/pseuds/little_werewolf
Summary: When friends become strangers, a kidnapping might bring them together again. And a little more.





	

Everything hurt, and Tony was sure that if he opened his eyes again he would be staring back at the dead bodies of his best friends. A hoarse laugh escaped his lips, tightening his hold on the desk in front of him, squeezing his eyes even tighter shut than before. He didn’t have any friends left. They were all gone. He had been the cause for that. He had chased them all away. All because he had thought that he was making the world a better place.

Gritting his teeth, his arm lashed out, not even minding the pain that went through it as he threw the closest things off the table. What did he need all of this for anyway? They were all gone, they weren’t going to come back no matter how much he would try and set it right.

Not that he could ever set it right again.

Tony forced his eyes to open again, staring down at the shield that was still lying on the desk in front of him. He let out a small shuddering breath, his fingers reaching out to let them trace along the scratch marks the Black Panther had left behind.

He shuddered, his whole body going still as he felt like he was lying back on the ground. How Steve was straddling him from above, his shield in his hands, ready to slam it down. His breath quickened as he thought it was going to go through his neck. Make it short and quick, then everything would be over. Tony wouldn’t have to go back to the place people called his home. It didn’t work that way however, the shield came down in his suit and a moment later Steve and Barnes were leaving.

Tony didn’t remember exactly what he had said. It had been stupid really. The last hope that Steve might stay. He hadn’t. He had left the shield behind instead.

Blinking, Tony looked around before his eyes fixed on the bottle of scotch. It was open already, half finished, and nowhere near bringing the peace that Tony had hoped for. Nevertheless, he reached out for it, taking a long swig before he put it down again and reaching out for the phone that lay next to the shield instead. He wanted to crush it, slam it against the wall and all the bloody righteousness that came along with it.

He didn’t want to have anymore memories of Captain America in his house. Not of anyone. He was going to show them that he could do this by himself.

Flipping open the phone, he stared at the screen for a few minutes before he dialled the only number that was saved in the damned thing. 

“Tony?”

“Come and pick it up, I don’t care when or how, you better come and pick your damn shield up before I turn it into scrap metal,” Tony ground and it felt like it hurt to say every word out loud. His free hand moved to hold on to the edge of the table again. He was sure that he was going to fall otherwise, or something else stupid was going to happen, something that he might regret sooner or later.

“Tony, what’s wrong? Where are you?” Steve actually sounded concerned, but Tony couldn’t find himself to care.

“Where the heck do you think I am Rogers?” Tony asked incredulously, and this time he did let go of the table, starting to pace through his lab like some caged animal.

“Are you alone?” Steve asked his voice calm, and Tony hated it.

“No… Dummy is here,” Tony replied, walking over to his robot and holding the phone towards him. “Dummy, make a noise so that Uncle Rogers knows that I am not alone down here.” The robot made a soft whirring noise, and Tony smirked and he was sure that Steve was rolling his eyes right now as he pulled the phone back to his ear.

“No one else?”

“No Rogers. Ninguem. Nada. Niemand. No one,” Tony repeated sarcastically and then took a deep calming breath before he looked back over to his desk. Ahh yes, the reason he had called the man in the first place.

“Get your shield, or I’ll put it up on ebay,” Tony muttered, walking over to the desk and reaching out for the bottle of scotch and then moving to sit down on the floor. He could hear that Steve was saying something in reply, but he couldn’t quite make out the words. His body was shaking. He didn’t remember the last time he had slept.

Opening the bottle, he took two sips from it, pulling his legs up against his chest and slowly breathing, almost having to force the air out of his lungs.

“STARK!”

Tony almost jumped up in fear, at how loud Steve was shouting through the phone, grimacing as he realised he was still on the phone.

“Just do what your told to for once,” Tony snarled in reply, closed the phone and throwing it against the nearest wall. He smiled at first as he saw it shatter into several pieces, then his expression was starting to fall apart, and he let out a small sob as he realised that he hadn’t even written down Steve’s number.

“Fuck you Rogers,” he muttered, resting his forehead against his bent knees and closing his eyes, letting the blackness of the pain and anguish engulf him.

Time seemed to be standing still, and he could just see everything happening over and over again. Being stuck out in space and feeling like he was nothing. Coming back, going through the nightmares of being there again, watching his friends and family as he suffocated there. He couldn’t keep anyone safe anymore. He only did mistakes. He wasn’t supposed to go on anymore. Maybe if he stopped it all.

There was a hand on his shoulder.

Tony screamed, his body moving to protect himself. Then everything went so fast, that he could hardly see what had happened. He only knew that he was suddenly upstairs, everything was foggy, he couldn’t move, there were people, so many people.

And then sleep. Finally, someone let him sleep.

There were voices coming from behind the haze of sleep, voices that Tony didn’t really want to care about it right now and for once actually didn’t feel the need to. Everything felt somehow numb, like everything that he had been feeling before had been put behind locked doors and all he could do was to lie here. He frowned a little. Blinking a few times.

He was lying in a large sterile room, everything looked fuzzy around the edges and he opened his mouth to say something but he couldn’t get his mind to form the words. Letting out a small sound in frustration, his hands pressed against the sheets below him, finding something wrapped around both of his wrists.

Slowly he could tell that he was lying in a kind of a hospital bed, tied down, like so he couldn’t run of or do something stupid. Not that the drugs that were running through his system would enable to do anything of the like.

Tony groaned, closing his eyes, attempting to remember of what had happened before he had gotten here. However, everything was fuzzy and the last thing he remembered was that he called Steve. He had called the man and then had thrown the phone against the wall like it had been the source of all his problems. He groaned softly, squeezing his eyes tightly shut and only attempting to force them to open again as he heard the door open.

Tony opened and closed his eyes several times to make sure that his vision wasn’t tricking him. In came Steve Rogers, looking just like Tony remembered him, and he had no idea of what he was supposed to think about that right now.

“Hey Tony,” Steve said warmly, moving over to Tony’s side of the bed and reaching up to let his hand rest on the top of Tony’s head. He looked concerned, not angry, and it confused Tony. The man was supposed to be angry after all, but at the moment it was hard to make sense of anything after all.

“Do you want something to drink? You’ve been out for a while,” the man continued and Tony nodded weakly, regretting it almost immediately, his head feeling now dizzy along with the fogginess.

He felt a hand on his wrist, followed by a voice shouting from somewhere, “Don’t you even think about it Rogers,” making Tony look a little confused for a moment. He didn’t however get to find out where the voice had come from as he felt Steve’s hand behind his head and a glass against his lips. Tony took a tentative sip at first, and then drank the water greedily as he felt the cold water clear his mind.

“Where…?” Tony asked when Steve pulled the glass away, slowly managing to get his mouth to form some kind of words.

“Hospital, it was the best place for you at first,” Steve replied gently, and Tony watched as the man put the glass aside and then put his hand on top of Tony’s.

“Why are you here?” Tony asked, a little dumbfounded and his words still coming slow from his mouth, frowning as his mind didn’t seem to have any kind of filter right now. He blamed the drugs in his system, making him feel a little more vulnerable than he already did. Lying, probably half naked, on a hospital, completely drugged up to the gills with Captain America hovering over you. That didn’t happen every day.

“You called,” Steve replied seriously, as if that gave the answer to everything. Tony frowned at him, and he was sure he would have usually panicked by now, but all he could feel was deep exhaustion and his eyes were threatening to close down on him.

“It’s okay, just sleep, I’ll settle everything,” Steve murmured and there was a hand on top of his head and Tony couldn’t help but lean into it and close his eyes. Because the comfort felt good, and if there was a random tear running down his cheek so maybe there was, he wasn’t hearing Rogers commenting on it as he was already drifting asleep again.

When Tony woke the next time, it was because something was being pulled out of his wrist. He winced, his eyes blinking into the sudden darkness around him, a sharp breath escaping his lips as the sudden fear enveloped him.

“Oh god… sorry… I made a mess of that…” Steve muttered, and Tony frowned, adjusting to the darkness, feeling something, probably a plaster, being put against his wrist.

“Did you just try not to curse?” Tony asked, a small dopey smile on his face and he let his eyes close again when he realised who it was.

“Good to see you still have your sense of humour, but you have to stay awake for me Tony,” Steve replied and Tony blinked his eyes open as he felt a pat against his cheek. His brain felt like it was floating this time, and watched blearily as Steve was undoing the straps around his wrists.

“Do you think you can walk?” Steve asked, and Tony let out a small sound as he was suddenly pulled up into a sitting position.

“Why? Where are we going?” Tony frowned, his feet hanging of the side of the bed and his hands reached up to hold on to the taller man in front of him.

“Somewhere safe, and we don’t have much time,” Steve replied, and he looked rushed his eyes staring not at Tony but at the door behind him.

“Are you kidnapping me Rogers?” Tony asked, and he was trying to think logically about this all, but his mind just wouldn’t let him. He was going to have to talk about that with someone, about how did not appreciate to be drugged like this.

“Do you trust me?” Steve suddenly countered looking down at Tony with a serious expression. For a moment the two men just stared at another. Tony swallowed and wondered if there had ever been a moment not to trust Steve. They had both made their mistakes throughout the last few months. Tony should have gone against their teammates, and Steve maybe shouldn’t have been so bloody stubborn. They should have helped one another, but sometimes life and stupid notions of responsibilities came in the way of that.

Did that mean he didn’t trust Rogers with his life?

“Did you get your shield?” Tony asked instead, still trying to find the right words for Steve’s previous question, which was not exactly easy with his current mind.

“And a few other things,” Steve replied and Tony let out a small chuckle.

“All right then Cap, lead the way,” Tony murmured and he could feel that his focus was drifting again. He gasped softly in surprise as he was suddenly lifted, one arm under his legs and one behind his shoulders. He immediately reached up to wrap his arms around Steve’s shoulders and neck.

“You better not ever mention this to anyone,” Tony huffed, feeling his eyes close again, his cheek resting against Steve’s broad shoulder.

“I will remember that,” Steve murmured and his voice sounded fond, almost affectionate, but Tony was sure he had just imagined it in his current state of mind. He watched hazily as Steve carried him down along a hallway, down some stairs and outside of the building. Someone was going to notice that he was gone soon enough, and he wondered for a moment how they were going to get away until the Quinjet appeared ahead of them.

“Are you ready, we need to go,” a voice called, and Tony was too tired than to be able to focus from who it came from.

“Yes, get everything started before they realise that someone is missing,” Steve replied and Tony let out a small chuckle. He remembered vaguely being set down into one of the seats and strapped in before he drifted asleep again, too tired to stay awake any longer.

When Tony awoke again, he realised several things at once. It was warm and bright around him, he was lying in soft bed and he was sure he was wearing some kind of clothes. He moved his arms a little, finding them free and he slowly blinked his eyes open. His mind didn’t feel as fuzzy anymore and more like he could think clearly again. When his vision finally focused, he realised he was in a large light airy room. There were large windows, which had been opened to let the fresh air inside and as he looked outside he could just see trees in the distance. Frowning, Tony slowly pushed himself to sit up on the bed, reaching up to rub his face tiredly.

He slowly started to remember of what had happened, and he swallowed as he felt a small rise of panic. Moving to get out of bed, he sighed in relief as he saw that he was wearing a shirt and a pair of light sweatpants, steadying himself on the edge of the bed before walking over to the door. When he didn’t hear any sound from the other side of it, he slowly opened it, walking into the hallway and looking around with a confused expression.

“Steve?” Tony called out, and he frowned as he heard how hoarse his voice sounded for a moment.

He went completely still as he heard the sound of a sudden movement of feet, and Tony was doing his best to fight the urge to press himself against a wall. He took a deep breath instead, spreading his legs out a little in a protective stance, as seconds later Steve came running out of a room.

“Tony, sorry, I was just in the kitchen for a moment,” Steve said, moving to stand in front of Tony. He carefully reached out with his hand, but Tony recoiled, taking a step backwards.

“Where am I?” Tony asked, fixing Steve with a serious expression.

“That’s complicated...” Steve replied, slowly pulling his hand back and rubbing the back of his head.

“I don’t see where the problem is, you tell me where I am this instance Rogers,” Tony muttered, and he tried to make himself a little taller, which wasn’t that easy when you stood opposite Steve fucking I am so tall Rogers.

“We’re in Wakanda.”

Tony just stared for a moment. He reached up to run a hand through his hair, pinching the bridge of his nose and then looked back at Steve. “Repeat that again,” Tony demanded, quietly but firm.

“Wakanda, in Africa,” Steve repeated.

“What the hell am I doing in Wakanda, bring me back home Rogers,” Tony said angrily, taking a step forward but still leaving enough space between the two of them.

“That’s... not exactly possible,” Steve murmured and reached out to put his hand on Tony’s arm. “How about we have some breakfast and we talk about it there.”

“Why the hell is it not possible?” Tony demanded, completely ignoring Steve’s words and the hand on his arm, which funny enough gave him right now enough stability not end up in some kind of panic or anger attack.

“Because no one really knows that you’re here,” Steve admitted, and Tony just stared again, because Steve wasn’t meeting his eyes. Now that was a first one.

“You kidnapped me?” Tony asked slowly.

“Well, you called me... and yes I did, so you will have to live with that,” Steve’s voice became more determined while he spoke and Tony let out a soft groan. He closed his eyes for a moment the images of what had happened before still fuzzy in his mind, just like the last couple of weeks. He eventually let out a hoarse laugh and looked back up at Steve.

“Well does my kidnapper have some coffee?” Tony asked, and there was a small twitch at the corner of Steve’s lips.

“Yes of course,” Steve replied. He let go of Tony’s arm and lead the way back to the room he had come out from earlier on. Tony followed after a moment of recomposing himself, the whole time looking around with a curious expression.

“Sit,” Steve said softly once Tony reached the kitchen, and Tony smiled weakly, moving to let himself hesitantly sit down on one of the chairs at the table. “Do you still take milk in your coffee?”

“Yes please,” Tony replied, still looking around. “How did you bring me here?” he then asked after murmuring a small thanks as Steve handed him a mug of fresh coffee.

“Quinjet,” Steve replied with a small shrug, sitting down opposite him.

“From where…”

“Back then, at the airport, we never gave it back really,” Steve replied with a small shrug, and Tony snorted softly at how nonchalant Steve was being about this all. He smiled a little, having to admit that he rather liked this side from Steve, this rule breaking one that didn’t seem to be caring about the consequences.

“Never thought you could be like this Rogers,” he said after a while, a small grin tugging at the corner of his lips.

“Yeah well… times changes,” Steve murmured and then pushed his chair back, moving to get up. “You should eat something, bacon and eggs sound good?”

“I am not…”

“Food is important, as is a daily routine, I am going to make sure you’re going to be alright again before I let them take you back,” Steve said firmly, not looking at Tony as he was starting to bustle through the kitchen.

“And do I get to have a say in this?” Tony asked his fingers tight around the mug.

“No.” Steve replied in a matter of fact tone, turning his head to look at Tony with a firm expression.

“You can’t just lock me up here,” Tony replied, pushing his chair back and moving to stand up. His hands moved to hold tightly on to the table instead, and he could feel his chest tightening.

“And where else would you go?” Steve asked in turn, slowly walking towards the table again.

Tony didn’t know how answer that and swallowed thickly. “Fuck you,” he eventually ground out and then walked out of the kitchen. Everything felt tight and hurt in his chest, it was hard to take in normal breaths. He looked frantically from one side to another, not sure where to go to and he realised that Steve had been right, he really didn’t have anywhere else to go to. Even more so, he didn’t know who else would be coming to look for him.

Letting out an anguished pained sound, he headed back to the bedroom he had woken up in earlier on. Slamming the door behind himself, he moved to sit down on the floor next to it once he was inside. Pulling his legs up against his chest, and squeezing his eyes tightly close. Nothing of this was fair, but then when had his life had ever been so. He was sure that Rogers was going to be getting sick of him too and send him back to where he had gotten him from in the first place.

He could remember now at least that he called Rogers, which the man had apparently understood as some kind of plea for help. What had happened afterwards to the moment that he had woken up here was however still fuzzy, and Tony guessed that it was maybe better that way.

“Fucking hell,” he groaned out and let his head fall back against the wall with a small thud. He could feel the tears stinging his eyes and he wanted them to go away. He wasn’t weak. He could do this, he could just somehow do this.

He took in another deep breath, whimpering at the pain that it caused in his lungs and the urge to scream out in frustration grew once more inside of him. He could feel the panic spreading through his body and he had no idea how to stop it. Like everything else in his life, which he seemed to have no control over any longer.

Tony’s head snapped up as he heard a sudden knock on the door. He wondered for a moment if he had imagined it, but soon enough the door opened and Stave came inside, holding what presumably looked like breakfast which he had been talking about earlier on.

“You have to eat,” Steve said calmly, moving to sit down on the floor next to Tony and then holding out the plate and fork to him. Tony just stared at Steve for a moment and then reluctantly reached out for the offered food. He looked down at it with a deep frown at first, still not sure if he was really hungry. He however had the feeling that he would try and run off again, Steve would probably just appear out of nowhere once more, with another plate of food. He was sure that the man would be stubborn about that.

So eventually Tony started to eat. Slowly at first and then as his brain was starting to process that food was a good thing and that he was indeed rather hungry, more eagerly. Only once he was almost finished, Steve cleared his throat, looking at Tony with an apologetic expression.

“I am sorry about earlier on,” Steve murmured and Tony’s mind enjoyed the fact that there was someone else out there who had problems with apologizing.

“It’s not as if you weren’t telling the truth Cap,” Tony replied frowning a little as he saw Steve visibly wincing at the nickname. He reminded himself that he would ask the man about that another time.

“Well it isn’t, you’ve got me,” Steve said resolutely, his eyes fixed on a spot on the floor in front of him. “I will always be there,” he added clearing his throat before he continued, “and I am going to be there until you get better again.”

“I am fine Rogers, you are all overreacting, I was drunk that’s all…”

“You accidentally attacked Pepper.”

Tony felt himself growing cold on the inside, the plate he had been holding clattering to the ground.

“She found you asleep on the lab floor, tried to wake you up. She said you weren’t fully conscious when it happened. It was all recorded, you were only trying to defend yourself, she’s fine,” Steve continued his arm reaching out to carefully wrap around Tony’s shoulders. And Tony had to admit that he was grateful for the comfort at that moment. He could feel how his whole was shaking and he just wanted to scream in terror at what he had done.

“You were already in hospital by the time that I got there,” Steve said, pulling Tony against his side. Tony nodded in understanding, he didn’t need to know more. He could put two and two together from there, even if he had to admit that he was somewhat amused that Steve had indeed kidnapped him from a hospital.

“So I stay here with you now?” Tony asked after a while, when he was sure that he had somewhat control over himself again.

“Yeah,” Steve replied softly.

Tony let himself mull over that for a moment and then let out a small sigh, resting his head against Steve’s shoulder and closing his eyes in defeat. “I guess I can live with that.”

Of course it sounded easier than it actually ended up being.

While Steve made sure that Tony ate, showered, at least somewhat functioned like a normal human being, his brain wasn’t always up to following the idea. He spend his nights awake, staring at the ceiling, wondering how he had let it come that far. He had at first urgently tried to remember of what had happened between Pepper and him, but no images would come, and he guessed it all came with his brain attempting to protect itself.

Whenever he would come strolling out of the bedroom, Steve would be ready and waiting. Usually it was just for company. Sometimes they would end up in heated discussions, which slowly lessened over time and they seemed to be getting an understanding of another. But Tony was growing restless, he wasn’t used to being away from his lab for so long, and he itched to be doing something.

“You could come out jogging with me every morning?” Steve prompted one evening, dropping down on to the couch next to Tony.

“Jogging with you? What, to be watching you run off in the distance?” Tony asked with a small roll of his eyes.

“Some exercise wouldn’t do you any harm,” Steve shrugged and Tony raised an eyebrow, a small smile tugging at his lips.

“Are you saying that I am out of shape?” Tony asked, moving on the couch so that his right leg was folded under him as he turned to face Steve.

“No,” Steve started and then shrugged. “Just something to keep you from getting too bored and fit,” he continued.

“My midnight talks not entertaining enough for you Rogers?” Tony teased, and he felt his smile soften as he saw that faint smile tug at the corner of Steve’s lips.  There was something about it that made Tony want to see it more often, never having noticed it before the man had dragged him out here to Africa.

“I thought we could maybe have them during the day as well,” Steve replied and Tony chuckled softly.

For a while neither of them said anything and Tony stared back at the television. He hadn’t been anywhere but in this place during the last few days, and he realised he didn’t really know where he was. He knew that Steve was here, and that they were in Wakanda, where T’Challa came from, but he hadn’t seen his highness or anyone else. Let alone any of the other Avengers that had been broken out of the Raft. It was a topic that Tony hadn’t dared to touch just yet, worried that their friendship might just be a little bit too fragile for that.

“You know if you’re getting bored, you can just leave me here and spend time with Barnes, I am not going to do anything stupid,” Tony said after a while and he meant that. He felt nowhere close to alright, but not to the point where he thought of doing something stupid. Not that Steve had let alcohol out in the open around him anyhow.

“I can’t,” Steve replied and his voice sounded unusually clipped.

“Huh… I mean, you spend all that time making sure I don’t touch the guy with a ten-inch pole and now you can’t spend time with him?” Tony asked in sincere confusion.

Steve just stared at him, eyes cold but composed and Tony swallowed. He resisted the urge to move backwards in his seat, usually being one to stand his ground against Captain America, but this was Steve Rogers and he was only Tony here, and he wasn’t up to keeping up his defences at the moment.

“He’s back in the cryo…”

“Was it because of his arm, because I can make him a new arm,” Tony immediately suggested, feeling like he should be making up for something.

“It wasn’t because of his arm,” Steve ground out and his voice grew quiet at the end, his expression distant. He looked away from Tony and he hated it.  He wanted for Steve to look at him, for the man who had done everything for him in the last few days, to smile again. “It was just too dangerous,” Steve murmured, sagging a little.

Tony didn’t know what to do for a moment, and then tentatively reached out to touch the other man’s shoulder. Steve flinched, moving to get up seconds later and walking out of the room.

“Where are you going?” Tony asked, worried, maybe a little panicked.

“Out,” Steve muttered, pulling on his shoes.

“Can I come?” Tony dared, already up on his feet ready to follow if he was allowed. But apparently Steve wanted his time alone, since the man shook his head, and then left the flat without another word.

Tony just stood there for a moment, staring at the closed door with a frustrated expression and then walked back to the living room. He managed to distract himself with some television, but soon it was starting to grow dark and Steve had still not come back. Dark thoughts quickly came back, and when he turned off the television Tony soon found himself sitting back on his bed.

He pulled his legs up against his chest, pressing his face in his folded legs and let out a shuddering sigh. He knew that Steve was going to come back. He wasn’t alone. The man was here to help him. He had promised he would. He had promised.

Tony trembled as the first sob broke free, fingers tight around his legs. He didn’t know why he was crying. He felt alone, anxious and in pain, all at the same time. And Steve wasn’t coming, Steve wasn’t hearing him call this time.

“I am such an idiot,” Tony ground out as he found some kind of control again, blaming himself for even starting a conversation about Barnes earlier on. He should have noticed it. He should have been better.

He wiped his face with the back of his arm and then attempted to lie down on the bed. He tried to stretch out at first, but at the end ended up curled up into himself again. His fingers held tightly on to the pillow under his head, attempting to breathe deeply but not getting far. It felt like time was standing still again, he was back in the caves, and he shuddered as he remembered how it felt as they pushed his head under the water. Back then he still had had the will to survive, now he wasn’t too sure anymore.

“Tony!” there were suddenly hands on his shoulders and Tony couldn’t help himself, he screamed. He tried to protect himself against whatever was touching him, but the hands only pushed him further down on the bed.

“Tony! It’s okay, breathe, you’ve got to breathe, it’s alright,” the hands were followed by a body, straddling him, pinning him down the bed. Tony could feel himself quickly tiring out, and he blinked his eyes open, and he sobbed almost in relief as he could make out Steve’s form in the dark.

“There you are... good… now breathe for me…” Steve murmured, and Tony did he best to do. Eventually the panic faded and he founded himself lying limp and exhausted on the bed. Feeling like he had just run a marathon.

“Okay…” Tony murmured hoarsely as he felt like he had control over himself again, his eyes falling close again as he felt too exhausted to keep them open any longer.

He could feel the weight disappear from on top of him, and settle down next to him instead. Strong arms wrapped around him, pulling him close, a hand caressing gently through his hair.

“What…” Tony mumbled, attempting to protest but too tired to care really.

“Just sleep,” Steve replied softly and Tony huffed softly, it only took a few seconds before he drifted asleep.

When Tony awoke the next morning, Steve was still there. He blinked his eyes slowly open, eventually remembering of what had happened the night before and who the person was behind him. Steve was still lying against his back, his arm wrapped protectively around Tony’s waist. It didn’t feel heavy or constricting in any way, it actually felt nice and he wanted to do nothing else but to curl up more into the embrace.

Before Tony could continue to think about those words, he felt Steve’s body shift behind him. He quickly closed his eyes again, wondering if he could feign sleep. He couldn’t however hide the small intake of breath as he felt Steve’s arm move and his hand reach up to brush over his forehead.

“Tony?” Steve asked softly, and Tony felt like his undoing was complete.

“Yeah?” Tony replied, licking his lips, but not yet opening his eyes again.

“Did you sleep alright?” Steve asked, and his fingers continued to brush through Tony’s hair and then down his cheek. Tony wondered for a moment when things had suddenly changed between them, because he was sure that something had.

“Yeah... I slept okay,” Tony eventually said with a small nod. He carefully moved to roll on to his back and then looked up at Steve, with a tentative smile. “I am sorry about last night,” he murmured after a while, feeling like he needed to fill the silence with some kind of words. He had done something to upset Steve, and he just wanted to make it undone.

“I am sorry too,” Steve murmured, and Tony tried his hardest to catch Steve’s gaze. “I shouldn’t have just left you like that... shouldn’t have locked you in,” he continued, and Tony just shrugged, understanding Steve’s reasons without even saying them out loud.

For a while neither of them said anything and Tony was almost about to reach out for Steve, just to be able to do anything at all as he saw the other man shift and get up from the bed.

“How about… I make us some breakfast, and then… I’ll explain,” Steve said as he got out of the bed and Tony nodded. Steve looked tired and vulnerable, the strong man who had been his anchor during his time here suddenly looked like he could need someone to hold on to himself.

“Alright,” Tony replied with a small nod, wanting to give Steve the chance to get things of his chest in turn. Tony doubted that he would be able to help properly, he wasn’t good in these kinds of things. He could build things, he could repair broken things, but when it came to human emotions he failed repeatedly.  But he could try, that was the least he could do.

Tony moved to get out of the bed as well, and then suddenly found a small blush creep over his cheeks. Steve was still there, at the other side of the bed, watching him, and this feeling that something had changed, crept up on him again. Steve cleared his throat and quickly left the room, leaving Tony stand there for a moment, just a little bit frazzled before he managed to compose himself again.

He stumbled through getting himself showered and dressed into some kind of fresh clothes, before heading to the kitchen to join Steve.

Breakfast was a quiet affair. Neither of them said a word, concentrating on getting food and coffee into their bodies instead. Once everything was eaten and the dishes were cleaned up, Steve quietly motioned for Tony to follow him. The first thing that surprised Tony was that he was being lead out of the flat. He was hesitant at first, suddenly feeling a little bit intimidated by leaving the security of their flat.

It had been his safe haven ever since had arrived here, and no matter how many times he had actually considered leaving, now it felt scary to do so. Steve, seemingly noticing his hesitation, gave Tony a moment to catch his bearings before they continued to walk along a series of hallways. Sometimes he could spot a few people, smiling tentatively whenever he caught their gaze and then quickly catching up with Steve again.

Tony’s eyes grew wide as they eventually entered a more lab looking like room, and he saw Barnes in what Tony knew had to be the copy of the cryo that Hydra had used during the last few years. He didn’t say anything at first and just watched as Steve walked over to the machine, hands in his pockets and looking at Barnes with a defeated expression.

“Why put him back in there?” Tony asked tentatively when he finally found his voice again. He had a quick look around the room, and then walked over to one of the screens next to the cryo. This was a lab, it couldn’t be that different to function than the one he had at home.

“Buck… he didn’t feel it was safe,” Steve replied quietly, his brow drawn together in thought. “He says it’s something that Hydra has put in his brain, and as long as we don’t find a way to get it out, it is safer like this,” he continued to explain.

Tony nodded quietly, his hands reaching out to touch one of the holographic screens and look at the data that was presented to him. He could see on the brain scans of what Steve was talking about, taking them in for a moment before walking over to Steve.

“Have they been making process?” Tony asked, putting his hands in his pockets. He didn’t dare to reach out for Steve, not sure if he was allowed, not sure if the other man was going to push him away.

“No, not really,” Steve eventually replied after a while, his expression and voice defeated.

“I am sorry,” Tony said, and he meant every word of it.

For a while the two of them just stood side by side, not saying a word, staring at the sleeping man in the glass casket. Tony wondered if he should make some kind of stupid reference to this being like in Snow White, but he doubted that Steve would appreciate it too much and he didn’t really want to tease the man too much right now.

“Thanks,” Steve said, looking at Tony with a weak smile, and then reaching out to put his hand against the glass casket.

“He wouldn’t want you to put your life on hold,” Tony couldn’t help note however, his voice serious.

“I am not…”

“Yes you are. You are not supposed to let go, no one is asking you to do that, but you have to go on with your life,” Tony continued softly, feeling suddenly their roles reversed. Steve just started him for a moment, his expression seemingly angry at first before it finally softened a little.

“I guess so,” he murmured, pulling his hand away from the glass and pushing it back into his trouser pocket. “I just don’t want to leave him alone… I don’t want him to wake up alone.”

Tony felt his throat constrict for a moment, wondering if that was how Steve had felt when he had woken up from the ice. How the world must have felt to him, waking up somewhere completely new without really knowing where he was, or even recognizing his surroundings. Tony knew he would have been petrified, he had no idea of what must have gone through Steve’s head.

“I know I am no biochemist, that is not my field, but I can help,” Tony said softly, tentatively reaching out to put his hand Steve’s shoulder and giving it a gentle squeeze.

“You don’t have…”

“I know I don’t have to, but I want to,” Tony said seriously, looking back at Steve with the same serious kind of expression.

“Alright,” Steve replied with a small nod, and Tony smiled back slowly pulling his hand back again.

They had another quiet moment looking at Barnes before Steve cleared his throat, seemingly ready to shake off some invisible tension and then lead the way out of the lab. Even if they hadn’t talked about anything much really, just coming here and Steve opening up about Barnes seemed to have made the man relax some more, and Tony was glad for that.

“You know if you wanted your own place, I am sure I can ask T’Challa…” Steve started but then Tony immediately shook his head.

“No, don’t, I don’t mind staying with you,” Tony quickly interjected, remembering how much he had actually liked waking up next to Steve that morning and looked away as he felt the blush growing on his cheeks. “I think I should just maybe call Pepper, you know… stop the impending terror that she is going to throw on the both of us,” he continued, ready to change the subject.

“Oh, yeah, that might be a good idea,” Steve replied, one hand moving to rub at the back of his head.

The two men looked at another and then after a moment burst into a small fit of laughter. When they had managed to calm down again, they were leaning against another and when Tony looked up at Steve his eyes there were bright and happy. Something he hadn't seen in a while.

“You know this could have been done so much easier,” Tony teased softly as they continued their way back to Steve’s place, or their place now. He didn’t really know how to put it anymore.

“What?” Steve asked, sounding a little dumbfounded for a moment.

“If you had wanted help because of Barnes, you could have come to ask me, you didn’t need to come and kidnap me,” Tony said with a small shrug, but he was still grinning, wanting to show that he wasn’t angry at Steve.

“Well I wasn’t really sure you still wanted to talk to me, you never called… until that one time,” Steve said and Tony looked over at him to see a frown back on Steve’s face. Tony swallowed and quickly looked away, realizing again how many mistakes the two of them had made and what position it had lead them into.

“And then… I was worried that if I didn’t come, I would really lose you,” Steve murmured, and Tony’s head snapped around at that again.

“Rogers… Steve…” Tony started but he didn’t really know what to say. His mind wandered back to this morning when he had woken up and how nice it had felt to wake up next to the other man. He couldn’t help but wonder for a moment if Steve had something more, but had never said anything. Tony frowned.

“Were you and Barnes ever…?” Tony asked, needing to know. They had stopped walking again, just staring at each other. Or well, at least Tony was trying to catch Steve’s gaze, who was more or less shifting from one foot to another.

“What? No… no! Buck and I were always just friends. He’s family. He’s like my brother… he would have never,” Steve immediately replied, stumbling a little over his words.

“You know there is nothing wrong with it…” Tony interjected.

“He prefers the ladies,” Steve explained with a small shake of his head, still avoiding to look at Tony.

“And what do you prefer?” Tony asked softly, and he dared to take a step further. Truth to be told he had no idea what he was doing, or why he was doing it. He just knew that he wanted to see Steve smile again, wanted to make him happy and he wanted to wake up next to him again in the mornings. The rest of it were things that could be sorted out with time.

“I…” Steve started but then blushed, and Tony couldn’t help but grin.

“That is also an answer I guess,” Tony replied and then leant in to kiss Steve on the lips. They were soft than he had expected them to be, and he felt a little lightheaded when he finally managed to pull back from it. He didn’t really get to go very far, as Steve’s hands were up by his face, pulling him back in and kissing him again. The kiss wasn’t sloppy, or uncoordinated, it was deep and passionate, and Tony whimpered, breathless, when Steve pulled back again.

“We should… you should call Pepper… tonight… talk?” Steve asked hesitantly, his thumbs brushing over Tony’s cheekbones before pulling them away.

Tony just stood there for a moment, dumbfounded and then nodded slowly.

“Yes… Pepper…” he agreed clumsily, and then grinned shyly up at Steve.

Tony couldn’t exactly remember how he had ended back at their place, but eventually they had somehow managed it. Phoning Pepper was a more difficult task however. It wasn’t hard to get her on the line, he knew how to reach her, but explaining to her what had happened and where he was at that moment was more difficult. He even had to put Steve on the phone in between, to make sure that she wouldn’t try and murder him personally in case he ever came close to her again.

And then Tony apologized.

He apologized for everything and anything that he had done wrong in the last few months. For how he had hurt her, for not remembering, for not reaching out for help when he had needed it. Tony didn’t even realise he was crying, more or less sobbing until Steve had taken the phone out of his hands to end the call.

Arms wrapped around him, picking him up and carrying him to the bedroom.

“Pepper… I need to apologize,” Tony murmured between small sobs, while Steve was tucking him into the bed and under the covers.

“You apologized, she knows, now calm down,” Steve murmured softly.

Tony attempted to take a deep calming breath, concentrating on the feeling of the warmth of the bed and of the hand caressing slowly through his hair.

“Just get some rest, I’ll wake you in time for dinner,” Steve said and Tony couldn’t do anything but nod in agreement.

It only took a few minutes until he fell asleep, the conversation with Pepper having taken a lot of energy out of him. When he awoke again, he was alone in bed but the smell of food immediately came to his nose. Stretching out on the bed, Tony moved to get up, realising that Steve hadn’t undressed him this time, and quietly walked out of the bedroom.

When he reached the kitchen, the dinner table had been fully set and Steve was just putting the food down on it.

“You should have woken me up,” Tony murmured, realising that he still sounded rather sleepy. He blushed a little and reached up to rub at his eyes.

“It’s alright, you needed the sleep,” Steve replied, and he was smiling that shy smile that warmed Tony on the inside. “Sit down.”

Tony nodded slowly, nervously licking his lips and then moving over to the table. He stood behind the chair for a moment, looking over the food that Steve had prepared. There was meatloaf, mashed potatoes, vegetables and gravy, and Tony could feel his stomach growl in hunger. He could feel his cheeks blush as he caught Steve watching him, and then finally moved to sit down.

“You didn’t need to do all of this,” Tony murmured, realising that he felt a little bit overwhelmed by all of this.

“It was a long and hard day, I thought we both could do with a proper meal,” Steve replied with a small shrug as he sat down opposite Tony.

Not managing to find any kind of argument against that, Tony started to help himself to the food that Steve had prepared.

Neither them really talked much as they ate, both of them exchanging shy smiles every now and then over the table. Only once both of them were done, and Tony was sure that he wasn’t able to swallow one more bite, he carefully reached out over the table to let his fingers brush lightly over Steve’s. The man seemed to tense for a moment, not at all having expected the touch, but didn’t pull his hand away so Tony kept his fingers right there.

“Thank you for the food, it was amazing,” Tony said softly.

“You’re welcome,” Steve replied kindly.

Smiling, Tony moved to get up from his chair and then walked over to Steve’s side, reaching out for the other man’s hand again and pulling him up from his chair. Not saying anything he pulled him out of the kitchen and back towards the bedroom that they had shared the night before.

“Tony…” Steve started, his voice nervous and a little hesitant.

Tony just shook his head, reaching out to press two fingers gently against Steve’s lips and looking at him with a soft smile.

“You took care of me, now let me return the favour,” Tony murmured softly.

Once he was sure that Steve wasn’t going to protest, Tony leant in to press his lips against the other man’s with a gentle kiss. Slowly he deepened it, his hands moving to caress up Steve’s arms and then down the other man’s chest to the corners of his shirt. He grinned into the kiss when he couldn’t stop himself from letting his teeth tug on Steve’s lower lip, and hearing that small whimper come from such a large man in the process.

Slowly pulling out of the kiss, he tugged at Steve’s shirt and with the help of the other man pulled it over his head.

“Damn you're beautiful,” Tony murmured, letting the shirt drop to the ground and one hand caress along Steve’s broad chest.

Steve swallowed, and Tony grinned as he saw the blush growing on the taller man’s face. He reached up to let his fingers brush over the reddening cheeks.

“You can touch too,” he said softly and it was like breaking open a wall. Suddenly Steve’s hands were all over him, tugging at his shirt, touching his face, hair and then any spot of skin he could reach. Tony couldn’t stop himself from letting out a hoarse chuckle, his cock slowly growing in his pants, and he was sure that Steve could feel when Tony pressed close to him.

“No need to rush, we have all night,” Tony murmured softly, still sounding a little amused. He pushed Steve gently towards the bed, grinning as the man fell on to it backwards, legs dangling off the edge as he pushed himself up on his elbows to look at Tony.

“Only all night?” Steve asked breathlessly, and Tony hesitated for a moment. He swallowed, the emotions overwhelming him momentarily and he ducked his head as he tried to make sense of it all in his mind.

“Well… let’s see where it takes us, alright?” Tony asked when he looked back at Steve, licking his lips in a nervous gesture.

“Alright,” Steve replied, and Tony let out a long breath that he hadn’t realised he had been holding. Grinning he walked over to the bed, and moved to straddle the taller man, putting his hands against Steve’s chest and gently pushing him flat down on top of the bed.

“So… where were we,” Tony murmured as he leant back down to kiss Steve passionately.

Tony couldn’t remember the last time he had had sex for such a long period in one night. Steve’s stamina was amazing, and when Tony was sure that he couldn’t go anymore Steve surprised him by being ready to take it another round.

Only late into the night, both men agreed that it was time to settle down to sleep. Curled up together, their legs tangled, bodies sore and covered in bruises. Tony felt sated, content and most important safe, and he didn’t want to lose that feeling any time soon again.

When he woke up again Steve was still there the next morning, watching him with a soft smile.

“Hey,” Steve said softly, his fingers reaching up to gently brush some of Tony’s hair out of his face.

“Hey,” Tony replied, tilting his head so that he could brush his lips against said fingers.

“How’re you feeling?”

“Mhhh… pretty decent,” Tony replied with a grin, and then moved so that he could curl up against Steve’s chest. He hummed in contentment as he could hear the steady heartbeat against his ear, making him wrap his arm a little bit more securely around Steve’s waist. “And you?”

“Pretty good too,” Steve replied with a chuckle, and Tony’s grinned widened.

“Good to know that I still have it in me,” Tony teased, and then laughed when he could feel Steve playfully swatting him over the head.

“You’re so full of it,” Steve muttered and Tony pulled his head back, to grin back at him.

“Oh yes I was, last night, with you,” Tony replied and watched with satisfaction when Steve blushed in process. Grinning a little bit more he then settled back down against Steve’s chest, closing his eyes in bliss and enjoying the silence for a moment.

“I have been thinking,” Steve murmured after a while, and Tony tensed a little of what was going to come next.

“Yes?”

“We should go back to New York,” Steve said seriously, and Tony pulled his head back to look up at Steve with a small frown.

“You’d come along?” Tony asked hesitantly.

“Of course,” Steve replied with a roll of his eyes, and Tony narrowed his eyebrows a little.

“What about Barnes?” Tony asked seriously, and he could see Steve’s expression fall a little. He thought about the conversation that they had had just the day before, of how Tony had promised to help and he was sure not going to pull back on that promise. So if Steve wanted to stay, so would he, he just needed to know. Pulling back a little, he moved to sit up on the bed, letting Steve think about this for a moment.

“There is nothing here that I can do to help him,” Steve said eventually, moving to sit up next to Tony, his voice a little bit more subdued.

“What I said yesterday, I meant it, I will help,” Tony said seriously.

“I know… but who knows how long that will take.”

Tony nodded in understanding, rubbing his face tiredly, his shoulders sagging a little at the thought that they would maybe never find a solution. That they would be stuck here forever.

“But… I can come with you.”

“Steve…”

“He would kick my ass for sitting around here waiting for something to happen, I guess it just took me a while to realise that,” Steve murmured, and Tony lifted his head to look at the other man with a weak smile.

“Okay… time to go back home then.”

Of course, going back to the States wasn’t easy on either of them. Tony had seen how hard it been for Steve to leave Barnes behind, and he hoped that the man was making the right decision. Even more so when they had touched ground again, the fighting had started once more. It had been something trivial really, and Tony couldn’t remember what it had been about.

Only that this time, he had found himself pressed down on to a bed afterwards and fucked like Roger’s survival depended on it.

It wasn’t easy for Tony either. There were suddenly responsibilities shoved back into his face that he had wanted to wanted nothing more than to ignore, only that this time he had Steve standing behind him again. It made him feel stronger to face them and the urge to reach out for the bottle was disappearing more and more with every moment.

And then suddenly one day, Tony felt brave. He remembered why they had been a team in the first place and what had happened to destroy them.

So when the news had gone out that Tony Stark had retracted his signature from the Sokovian Accords, Bruce had been the first one to reappear at the Avengers Mansion. Shortly followed by Natasha and Clint, and funny enough even with a visit from Peter Parker. And suddenly they were sitting in the large living room together again, talking, drinking and eating, and it felt like a family again.

Excusing himself, Tony stepped out into the fresh air, hands in his pockets, twitching for something stronger than the beer he was drinking that night.

“You alright Tony?” Steve’s voice came from behind him, and Tony smiled weakly, knowing that he should have expected for the other man to follow him.

“Yeah… it’s just been…”

“A little much?” Steve continued for him.

“Yeah…” Tony replied, and then let out a soft sigh as he felt Steve’s arm wrap around his waist.

“You sure?” he couldn’t help but ask. Neither Steve or he had been much about public affection, and while they had made no secret about sharing a bedroom, he knew how new this was still all to other man.

“You did something really brave,” Steve said softly, his thumb rubbing small circles into Tony’s hip. “I guess… I think it’s time for me to do the same.”

Tony chuckled softly, turning his head to look at Steve with a soft smile. He then dared a glance back behind him to the house, grinning a little as he could clearly see everybody watching them.

“We’re in for it now,” Tony murmured followed by a small chuckle.

“What do you mean?” Steve asked with a confused expression.

“Well, you know, the usual questions,” Tony explained, carefully taking Steve’s arm from his waist and taking his hand instead to pull him back towards the house.

Steve just stared at Tony, and Tony couldn’t help but laugh out softly. He had to admit he was slightly prepared for the catcalling and whistling as they came back inside, this time sitting down next to each other on the couch.

“So, how did you two end up fucking?” Clint asked calmly.

“Clint,” Natasha muttered with a roll of her eyes, smacking him gently over the head as both Steve and Peter blushed profusely.

“Bloody fucking time they did,” Clint mumbled, glaring at Natasha, and everyone muttered in consent.

“Well, time to sort out all the betting results then,” Bruce added, and Tony could just stare at his best friend for a moment in shock before letting out a loud bark of laughter.

“If this doesn’t deserve a round of drinks, then I don’t know what does,” Tony said when he calmed down again, moving to get up to walk over to the bar.

He looked back at his group of people for a moment and smiled.

It was good to have a home to come back to again.

**Author's Note:**

> After Civil War I needed to make my boys happy again, so here was my attempt to do. Thanks to everyone who held my hand while writing this and for my beta for giving this a one over.


End file.
